I’ve been Targeted

This short essay is part of a Skillshare.com 10 Day Journaling Challenge taught by Emily Gould, where each day you're tasked to start every prompt with, "Today I noticed." The exercise is just a kickstart to get you writing for at least 5-10 minutes. Sometimes I get carried away with it.

Today I noticed either the complexity of humans or the fact that I tend to jump to conclusions. My daughters and I went to Target today. It wasn’t just any Target, it was a brand new Target. It opened a few days ago and I’ve already been six times. It’s just fun to spend money in new places. All stores should just perpetually have a “Grand Opening” sign out front, just to lure in the non-natives who don’t know the difference.

Everyone has their own home Target, I feel. There's a comfort that comes with it. You’re close enough of a visual acquaintance with the Loss Prevention officer, that you could probably steal something small without being noticed. You know your natural Target so well that you could almost work there. Like you’d see a fellow customer asking one of the many red-shirted poorly-paid Samaritans for help. “Excuse me, do you know where the light bulbs are?” You'd jump between them, “Oh, yeah, those are on isle B13, just under the 3M sticky hanger things.” “If you get to the bug spray, you’ve gone too far, depending on which side of the aisle you’re coming from.”  

Upon entrance of a fresh Target, or even a “new to you” one, it can feel like stepping off of a carousel while setting the time on your watch. “Why did they put the mini Starbucks over there?” or “I wonder if the toilet paper is gonna be way in the back corner, like all the other Targets?” you inwardly mutter as you fight to regain your routine equilibrium. “Will they even have a “Clearance” rack, given how new of an establishment this is?” "This one is much less deeper than the Riverside/Broadway location." A burden arises in your chest when thinking about having to explore the new terrain. You know the products Target carries, but in which way are they organized? “Ok, there’s the Exchanges and Returns” help desk, now we’re getting somewhere.” The world stops spinning so fast and your blood pressure stabilizes. 

Now calm, you’re able to steady your cart enough to not swerve into oncoming shoppers. Shoppers who are just as drunk with confusion and vague familiarity as you were a minute ago. You’ve advanced to the next chamber within the labyrinth. But now with enough confidence to get what you came for..and seventy dollars worth of shit you didn’t. 

Also, “Why isn’t that entire fucking family wearing masks?!? This ruling had to have been from the top down, right? The decision was made days, if not weeks ago, by these obviously abusive parents over dinner. "Repeat it again children, 'Muslims and crooks wear masks!'" "Good! Again!" This wasn’t a mistake of forgotten face coverings, no, this was a practice in corporate defiance. This was their Waco. It's people like this that cause me to not mind 'Big Government" as much as I should.

How did they even gain entrance by the door monitor without even a small altercation? This thought caused me to insult the doorkeep in my head. “What a fucking pussy, do your goddamned job dude," I thought. He received no parting greeting from me, that's for sure. I even pulled my two precious daughters closer as we passed by him, hoping someone would observe my caution and assume the worst about his sick and evil deeds..

This whole family were willing participants in a potential viral video. Eagerly prone, this group risked it all, under the likelihood of being shamed, to become whatever the next iteration of “Karen” is. In the context of unity and family cooperation, they lowkey have my respect; I can’t even get my family to have dinner at the same coffee table. My ultimate prayer for that family is, that they just go back to WalMart where they belong/probably usually go.